Taxes

Last April, I applied for a six-month extension to file my taxes, so that when I did so I would have been here for a full year. One's first three years of foreign-earned income are not taxed, but I still have to fill out a form declaring how much I've earned and proving that it was in a foreign country. I have looked at the papers three times since August, and have never built up the courage to try to complete them. Tonight I am gritting my teeth and doing my best.

9.32 pm: Employer's Foreign Address. Hm... the Board of Education's address is remarkably hard to find in English...

9.43 pm: "List your tax home(s) during your tax year." WTF is a tax home??

9.43.30 pm: There are not too many pictures on the IRS website, but the people in them are far too smiley.

9.45 pm: "Your tax home is your regular or principal place of business, employment, or post of duty, regardless of where you maintain your family residence." Right. See Line 1.

9.50 pm: What is a bona fide resident? Why did I take French in high school and not Latin?

9.53 pm: "it may be difficult to decide whether you have established a bona fide residence."

9.53.30 pm: Fine. I'll pass the Physical Presence Test instead.

9.55 pm: "Exclude travel between foreign countries that did not involve travel on or over international waters, or in or over the United States, for 24 hours or more." I am starting to doubt the value of a college education...

9.56 pm: Still working on this... does that mean that only travel requiring more than 24 hours over international waters should be listed? That doesn't make any sense...

9.57 pm: Oh, whatever. Even with my trips, I have still been in Japan for over 330 days. I'll just write them down.

10.05 pm: Ah, Cambodia. Remember when I was there two more days than I intended? I never knew that taxes could make you nostalgic...

10.10 pm: Oh, wait. I'm reading "travel abroad" as meaning "outside Japan." Maybe I just need to write down that I've been in Japan?

10.16 pm: How many 24-hour periods have I been in Japan for? Hm... I guess I subtract the ones where I was elsewhere... 339. That sounds right.

10.17 pm: Page one of three completed

10.17.30 pm: NOW starts the real fun... writing down what I earned, in US dollars, according to the exchange rate at the time of earning.

10.18 pm: What is a cash basis taxpayer? Can I decide that I'm not one if doing so means that I don't have to also fill out Form 1040? What is Form 1040?

10.23 pm: According to the IRS' "Link & Learn," "most individuals are cash based taxpayers." Dammit!

10.26 pm: And I am off to find the orientation handout that will remind me how to read my paycheck slips.

10.28 pm: Gah, why is this so disorganized? And why do I seem to have at least five explanations of the stages of culture shock?

10.30 pm: I wonder if I should write down the amount before or after the various deductions?

10.31 pm: I'm going to use the pre-deduction amount because it's an even number.

10.36 pm: The IMF website has very detailed currency exchange rates for each day for the past five years! Yay!

10.41 pm: Trouble is, I have never been able to work the math. If 1 US dollar is 109 yen, then how much is 300,000 yen?

10.47 pm: I am writing down these calculations on a dollar-store memo pad with a cartoon turtle and the words "Stroll of turtle." I am not enough of an adult to handle taxes, clearly.

10.56 pm: I appear to have figured it out! That might be the first math problem I've solved since high school.

11.09 pm: That was very tedious, but my glee at figuring it out for myself carried me through...

11.11 pm: God, I earn a lot of money. Why did I not recontract again?

11.12 pm: Noncash income... does omiyage count??

11.14 pm: Page two of three completed.

11.15 pm: Housing deductions... I can deduct not only my rent but also my utilities and furniture. That seems generous...

11.16 pm: I can't remember how much I pay for rent... or what my utilities usually come to... the dangers of automatic deduction.

11.25 pm: I really, really do not want to go through a year's worth of utility receipts. Perhaps I will simply not claim the Housing Deduction.

11:36 pm: I just misread some directions and tried to exclude negative 50,000 dollars. It is time to stop this and eat some cinnamon toast instead.