100 Things I Learned in 2008

1. "It's easier to leave than to be left behind." --REM, “Leaving New York”

2. You can push a Rodgers and Hammerstein musical to a certain point of seriousness.

3. But beyond that point do not attempt to venture.

4. If you do attempt to venture, trust your actors when they start to yank you back.

6. Directing a play is exhilarating and wonderful.

7. Directing a play is scary and lonely.

8. By turns and at the same time.

9. Showing a play to 1000 children under the age of 15 gives new meaning to the word “detail-oriented.”

10. Showing your play to 1000 children under the age of 15 gives new meaning to the word “vulnerable.”

11. For a single, blinding instant, I wanted to throttle every single child who left the auditorium to go to the bathroom.

12. That means that I wanted to commit at least 990 murders.

13. However, when one actress told us that her hairdresser’s six-year-old had sat perfectly still, mesmerized, for the full two hours, I loved the whole world again.

14. The audience never responds the way you think they will… but sometimes they respond even better than that.

15. When the curtain falls on your play for the last time… there are no words.

16. The best way to get over post-show withdrawal is to immediately begin a new show.

17. “I should have raped you and then talked to you. Resistance is futile.” --Matt Lewis

18. “Our audience won’t be that sympathetic to brother-sister incest. Then again, they might. This is Sackville.” --Mark Blagrave

19. Getting to watch the audience figure out that a love scene is actually an incest scene is quite entertaining.

20. When you combine a very organized director and a very organized stage manager, every single detail gets written down at least four times.

21. When in doubt, make more charts.

22. There is a good chance that I am a tech, not an actor.

23. The JET Program has a list of very, very strict rules.

24. According to the paperwork, if you break these rules, you will not be accepted.

25. The actual Program appears to only rarely actually care if you follow these rules.

26. Having interviewees go through security to get to a job interview is a pretty good way to have them thoroughly freaked-out before the interview.

27. Phone interviews can take place at 11 pm.

28. I talk really fast.

29. In person or on the phone.

30. Twisting an interview question so as to be able to admit that seems to go over well.

31. I am hireable!

32. Victory dances in the computer lab of the library are generally frowned upon.

33. Just try to restrain yourself.

34. Oh yeah… I took classes too.

35. I don’t like punk music.

36. And I don’t find it particularly academically interesting, either.

37. I can write essays.

38. I cannot write fiction.

39. Having first-year tests to mark is a good excuse to order overpriced beverages at Bridge Street.

40. Only some of the first-years will improve after they fail the first test.

41. Being busy is good.

42. It is possible to be too busy.

43. When you are too busy, some things will slip through your fingers.

44. Sorry, Rights and Democracy.

45. A Cockney accent is as difficult as a French Canadian accent.

46. There is painful irony in telling an actor to drop her natural abilities at enunciation.

47. I hate accents.

48. I am not sure how I feel about dogs on stage.

49. I am quite sure how I feel about glass and food on stage.

50. Don’t. Just, don’t.

51. Get someone to take a lot of pictures at your college graduation.

52. You won’t remember a thing.

53. It must something about the robes.

54. Graduating, performing in a show, and packing to move home -- all at the same time -- takes so much energy that you won’t have much left to be sad.

55. Sadness comes later.

56. To move overseas, you need an exhaustive and exhausting collection of items.

57. Again, there isn’t a lot of energy left over for being sad.

58. Or being excited.

59. It is possible to entirely the excited-honeymoon stage of culture shock.

60. Jetlag, homesickness, and the other stages of culture shock are a real bummer.

61. Especially when they all hit at the same time.

62. A Japanese junior high school runs on the power of "kawaii" (cute).

63. I am kawaii. On a good day, I am even “lo-vu-lee.”

64. Talking to my students requires the use of a two-way dictionary.

65. But somehow we both still enjoy it.

66. Whatever the foreign teacher does, it is worthy of notice and wonderful and hilarious.

67. Just laugh along.

68. Theatre experience is very useful when living overseas.

69. I can pantomime the concept of a soap dish to a puzzled store clerk.

70. And I don’t even care when people look at me strangely!

71. Being illiterate at 22 is an odd experience.

72. Being vegetarian in Japan means that you will learn the kanji for “niku” (meat) very fast.

73. Niku is everywhere!!!

74. Japanese dollar stores put all American stores (dollar or otherwise) to shame.

75. So does Japanese service.

76. It is really easy to get used to not tipping.

77. Constant shoe-switching is an acquired skill.

78. It is almost impossible to stand in front of something and fully appreciate that it is 400, or 800, or 1200, years old.

79. Having so many chances to practice is an incredible gift.

80. It is easy to become blind to the little differences, the little curiosities, the little miracles.

81. The little things happen every day.

82. Pay attention!

83. August 2009 is creeping up really fast.

84. But August 2010 is really far away.

85. Yes, We Can.

86. Well, actually “Yes, You Can.”

87. I was in the wrong ****ing country! Again!

88. “Breaking up is hard to do.” --Neil Sedaka

89. Even when it’s the right thing to do.

90. Japan loves Christmas decorations to an extreme degree.

91. Japan does not love Christmas to the same degree.

92. Christmas at work isn’t as bad as you might think.

93. Disney is almost as much fun at 23 as it was at 3.

94. People will wait in line for four hours to go on “Pooh’s Hunny Hunt.”

95. I won’t -- but having gone on the ride, I can understand why others will.

96. “It’s a Small World” with Christmas decorations and carols is every bit as good an idea as it sounds.

97. I am the Little Foreigner That Could.

98. Actually, I am the Gigantic, Extremely Tall Foreigner That Could.

99. There are days when I miss being the Regular-Sized Native That Didn’t Have to Try So Hard.

100. I miss you all!

Christmas Card

Whatever or whether you're celebrating this month...

may you have an abundant supply of whatever brings you joy...


... and may your days be merry and bright.

Love, Jenn

Tokyo Disney

This weekend I went to Toyko Disneyland with two other ALTs. Now, I grew up in Florida and went to Disney World about once a year for a while. And this is Japan, where they have achieved insane levels of technological wizardry and even more insane levels of adoration for all things Disney. So I had pretty high nostalgia and pretty high expectations going in. How would the two parks (one on each day) measure up?

Saturday: Disneyland, apparently intended to be a copy of the one in California

Stuff that was not excellent:

The crowds… were absolutely insane. Did you know that Tokyo Disney is the second-most-visited amusement park in the world? It’s second to Disney World in Florida, which has six parks to Tokyo’s two. There were lines of up to four hours for some of the most popular rides (which we didn’t go on). Also, Japanese people have a much more reduced sense of personal space than Westerners. At more than one point, I was wishing I could say in Japanese: “Pressing your breasts into the small of my back will not make this line move any faster!”

The lack of vegetarian food… and I mean utter lack, as in I was picking pieces of octopus tentacles off pizza. I was pleasantly surprised by veggie-friendliness of the last place popular with Westerners (Nikko), but apparently the memo hasn’t reached Tokyo Disney yet.

Stuff that was excellent mostly because it took me back to being five years old:

Peter Pan… has always been cheesy and campy and silly, but is now cheesy and campy and silly and really fast. I think they’ve sped it up to try to get more people through more quickly. It was a 75-minute wait for a 75-second ride. Tragedy.

The Carousel… used to have bigger horses when I was smaller. Either that or the horses made for American kids really are bigger than the ones made for Japanese kids. It was delightful, but not as majestic as I remembered.

The Swiss Family Robinson treehouse… was less intricate than I remembered. It did, however, have this, which made me laugh hard enough to make up for all deficiencies:

Stuff that was just plain excellent:

Excellent lobbies and entranceways… keep you from being too bored while waiting in line. Prime photo-taking opportunities, especially since you’re not doing anything else anyway.

Pooh’s Hunny Hunt… does not exist in Florida, and I have no idea why. It was a delight from the very beginning, when the line wound around giant-sized book pages, with text directly from the books and pictures from the original movie. It got exponentially better when we were sitting in our own private honey/hunny pot being whirled around on the floor through the Very Windy Day and the Heffalump Nightmare. Most excellent times to be had by all.

The Jungle Cruise… was almost as funny in Japanese as in English. I have new respect for the talents of Disney actors.

The extremely realistic animatronic Johnny Depp… that graced the new version of “Pirates of the Caribbean.” I liked that they nodded to the movie enough to satisfy its fans, but mostly kept the madcap watch-the-pirates-wreak-havoc-while-singing senselessness.

A parade featuring Christmas lights and carols… for which we actually had seats, but abandoned them once it became clear that a.) we couldn’t really see that well anyway, and b.) the huge crowds at the parade had drastically reduced the wait time for “Pooh’s Hunny Hunt.” As our luck would have it, our view of the parade was absolutely incredible from the line -- so much so that there were cast members employed in making sure that people didn’t hold up the line watching the parade.

It’s a Small World… was worth the entire trip. I started grinning like a little kid the second we set foot inside and didn’t stop until well after we’d left. I’ve always loved it, but with it all dressed up for Christmas (including Christmas carols in many languages) I was over the moon.

Sunday: DisneySea, a park that exists only in Tokyo.

Stuff that was not excellent:

Continued lack of vegetarian food… led to picking salmon off pizza (seeing a pattern? -- I came home feeling pretty vegetable-starved). At one point, I told a waitress that I had an allergy (the easiest way to explain it), which produced the restaurant manager, bearing a very thick binder of ingredient lists and the unfortunate information that even the pesto sauce had pork in it. Seriously? Pesto?!

Rain… poured all morning, amidst temperatures in the low 40s. It was very cold. Eighty-minute lines did not seem so bad, when that meant eighty minutes inside a heated room. However, the weather greatly reduced the crowds… it was positively peaceful by comparison.

Stuff that was excellent because it took me back to being five years old:

Triton’s Palace, aka the Mermaid Lagoon… is mostly set up with kiddie rides, but we stayed long enough to take a few pictures. God, I used to love this movie.

Exotic carousel choices… on Aladdin’s carousel, which was a time-waster before our fast-pass tickets for “20,000 Leagues” were operational, but turned out to be a great success. Not only did we get to ride camels and elephants on the second floor, but Jafar, the Genie, and Abu turned up to ride the cycle before ours.

Sindbad’s Storybook Adventure… is based on a story from “The Thousand and One Nights,” not a Disney movie at all. But it had all the proper elements: a really cute animal companion, a song with a heartwarming chorus, and lots of animatronics. A lovely, slow-paced break from the crowds.

Aquatopia… involves little rubber-ringed floats that are dragged around a small lagoon featuring waterfalls, fountains, and shooting jets of water, all of which you are sure are going to soak you but manage to just barely miss.

Stuff that was just plain excellent:

The Jules Verne-themed rides… of which there are two, “Journey to the Centre of the Earth” and “20,000 Leagues under the Sea.” The former is a relatively slow trip through caves of glowing crystal and friendly-looking Star Wars-esque giant insects, until you round a corner and meet up with a cave monster reminiscent of the Balrog, at which point the ride suddenly becomes a roller coaster -- a fact which my friends neglected to tell me, which led to one of the more fun adrenaline rushes I’ve had in a while.
The latter puts you in a round submarine and sends you on a trip through similarly-colorful underwater scenes, which you can illuminate with your self-controlled searchlight. Very classic, peaceful, no roller coaster moments.

Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull… was a roller coaster that I was expecting to be so. I was pretty impressed at how much they could jerk our Jeep around without launching it off the tracks entirely.
Also, the wait (the aforementioned 80-minute wait in a warm place) yielded some pretty excellent pictures.

The Tower of Terror… was far worse in anticipation than in reality. They really psych you up with the cursed idol thing (especially if you can’t understand what he’s saying before he starts cackling), but the drop is not all that bad. And the views of the park out the ninth-story windows are pretty cool. And then you can buy your very own miniature cursed idol in the attached gift shop… so that you can risk elevator-death on a daily basis…? Oh, Japan.

Photo ops… abounded. DisneySea has fewer rides (and fewer crowds, so shorter wait times), so more of our time was spent admiring the scenery and the Christmas decorations.

Overall, it was happy and campy and cheerful and nostalgia-inducing. I don’t know whether I will feel the need to go again, but I had an awfully good time.